happiness · health

Heavy Set Inspirations

Better (super, yikes, sorry!) late than never, but here is the (dreaded) post about my weight and weight-loss. It’s not the most thrilling writing experiences of my life. I’ve fallen off the goal-wagon and it shows and, wow, does that feel shameful.

But, can’t let that (and the tardiness, ugh) stop me from my goal of sharing my experience throughout this journey and, sadly, that means exploring the flops. We all have them, sure, but when you’re in the middle of one it certainly doesn’t feel like that. I feel alone and ashamed and all I want to do is hide and never show my face again. This is also me reacting to a lack of instant success—something else I need to work on to ensure a healthy and positive lifestyle. But that’s for another post. Time to focus on this theme.

233 pounds.

Ah, there I said it.

I’m 33 pounds above my end of the year goal. I had hoped and daydreamed about hitting the 200-mark to focus on getting to my ideal weight by the end of next year. This was the year, I told myself as I had many years before. Guess it wasn’t meant for 2017 either.

Instagram is filled with inspirational stories and photographs of people overcoming their own doubts and struggles with their bodies; like LazyGirlChallenges, duncanlukas, squatguide, and weightlossultimate (please give some of them a chance; if they don’t suit your taste you can find one that does through them). I had hope I could add myself into one of these accounts, even if just through spirit.

What is it with my brain and it’s constant battle of wanting to look like Wonder Woman losing over the unnecessary need to stuff my face with chips? I don’t even care for the chips that much! But the very moment I decide to become intensely focused on my diet and go hard in my exercise I am consumed with feelings, not thoughts, to do the opposite.

I’m heavily interested in the Whole30 Challenge and I’ve been reconsidering going back to my vegetarian diet and if I can get rid of processed sugar I know I can lose the jiggle. Yet the instant, almost to the minute, of getting into the powerful mindset of starting this life-style change I find myself in desperate need of the thing I was giving up. Gonna go with no sugar? Can’t have that, despite rarely actively craving it. I need chocolate and syrupy iced-lattes NOW.

From research it seems this is steeped in habits. I’ve always simply ate when I wanted to and by trying to change this into a new habit so fast causes some concern for my brain who is resistant to change. I also have a bad affection for food and have a desperate need for it. I’m a typical emotional eater who uses food as my source of pleasure and happiness.

From general searching through Google I am learning different actions and steps to take but it is another thing to handle throughout this long process. No one told me getting mentally and physically healthy would be easy, but I certainly wish it was!

Time to start fresh and give my end goal another attempt at my new lifestyle.

Wish me luck!

Quote of the Post:

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

–George Elliot

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