My Brain on Job Searching

Today, we’ll focus on everyone’s favorite topics of making money (and the struggle to do so) on top of having the ever pleasant company of the big D (haha, I swear I’m not a 13-year old boy).

Too much sarcasm? Still working on my tone that will make people smile and invested. It takes a lot of work and trial and error to be natural, as odd and unnatural as that sounds. But, I’ll learn as I go on, so time to go on.

It’s difficult time for anyone to search for something so detrimental for their ability to live and function. Do you go for your passion? Do you go for money? Just what’s available? When do you bring logic into the mix, or your dream, or your desperation?

Since 2013, after I graduated with my Bachelors, I was eager to start figuring out my life and witnessing the doors open for a bright, successful future. Because that’s what mattered. I had two degrees, I immersed myself in academic clubs, became a leader (which freaked me out as I have this little issue called anxiety), talked with my teachers, searched for internships, and put so much effort into earning the best grades I could. Because that’s all I needed for a career.

Then retail happened. Not the worst thing. I even really adored my time in Barnes & Noble surrounded by the smell of coffee, cinnamon, and books. And high quality air-conditioning. Thank you B&N for remembering we’re in Texas. And it worked out fine for a while. I wasn’t quite sure about my career focus anyway except that I wanted to be an author, so I was happy to wait a little bit till something took off. Because surely I could get something. I had the degrees.

Time went on and nothing happened. Everything was more part-time retail. I couldn’t even move up in my own store (another story, for another day) to earn something. By 2015, I was growing burnt out on the whole “part-time, let’s destroy my back and feet for customers” routine. I was ready to move out, to buy a massive shelf for my books, and just enjoy life as an adult.

Nothing. So, maybe I needed more degrees. A Masters should be perfect! I packed my bags, headed to Scotland, and earned another degree. I’ve had it officially since last November and been without a job since December. I’ve sat down for hours and applied to jobs that would become a career; from teaching to clerical to marketing, I’ve applied to multiple hundreds of jobs and in that time I’ve earned two interviews and I was rejected by both.

Well then…

I’m told to just keep trying, apply a hundred times a day if necessary, something will come up…all wonderfully positive and well-meaning words but what does that do when I don’t see that something approaching? I don’t let anyone fool me; I know money equals a form of comfort and happiness. It sounds shallow, but it is the truth, and I am without a flow of it to my bank account. A sad thing for anyone to suffer from.

I’m beaten down. I’m exhausted. I feel like everything I had done to this point was a waste of time, energy, and money. I feel like a waste because what are you if you don’t have a job?

Still everything.

And that is not something I remind myself lightly. I still feel disappointment about myself. I still desire ultimate success. I am ready for better change but if I will tell you that you’re everything and you deserve pride and support, then so do I.

How are you dealing with job searching? How do you like to remind yourself that your worth is outside your career?

Quote of the Post:

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”

–e.e. cummings

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